Nose

Ryker was sitting nestled into Bella, as he often is, cuddling and hugging or resting his cheek on the side of hers or just hanging in her half moon with his back resting against her belly and playing. 

I asked him where Bella's nose is and he touched his own.... For the first time. I wonder if he picked it up at daycare today or if he just figured it out because I've been showing him for a week. When I asked him where mommy's nose was, he put his finger up his nostril and pulled out a present. 

Time to stop picking my nose. 

Tonight between Ryker coming home from daycare and before I had to head out for a meeting in the same motion as Bry was coming in from school I had short and sweet quality time worth mentioning so that I don't forget it.

Ryker already eaten a grilled cheese sandwich and corn for dinner with pineapple for dessert (Just realizing how disgusting of a combo that is!) and was changed and in his PJ's and I warmed myself a bowl of spaghetti and sat on the living room floor with a glass of ice water. Ryker hung around trying to fish the ice cubes from my drink and I put the glass to his lips, held up his chin and poured some into his mouth, as we often do. He likes to do big people things. I picked up a noodle and tilted my head back and opened my mouth wide and dropped the noodle into my mouth and then did the same for him. For some reason, in that instant I felt connected - a feeling that doesn't wash over me often. I asked for a kiss and in the same motion that the next noodle dropped into his mouth he leaned forward for a spaghetti sauce smooch. 

It's always the little things... Like daddy cutting the crust off of your bread.
28.1.13

Life lessons

This is Carter Scott.

Carter Scott loves music and jumping on the trampoline. He’s a fighter and determined to overcome the barriers that vision loss presents in his life.

 The Scott family, of Forest: Rusty, Julie, three-year-old Carter and his younger brother Grayson lead the life of the average busy modern-day family, while parents Rusty and Julie stand strong alongside their son Carter, being his best advocate when it comes to dealing with the everyday efforts that face him. It’s not all struggle, and Julie says they remind their boys everyday how important they are to them and this world and even though Carter doesn’t have vision, he can accomplish anything he wants, just in a different way.

 Carter came into this world prematurely at 25 weeks, three days on April 8, 2009 weighing one pound, eight ounces and spent 114 days in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. As a result of his prematurity, Carter developed Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP) in both eyes. ROP is an eye disease thought to be caused by disorganized growth of retinal blood vessels which may result in scarring and retinal detachment.

 “Carter was a fighter from the beginning and continues to surprise us everyday,” says Julie. “He reaches milestones at his own pace and has a team of amazing therapists who have worked with him since he came home from the hospital and who have supported both him and us to help him reach his fullest potential.” 

 Carter has had a total of 14 surgeries and treatments under anaesthetic at five different hospitals within Canada and the United States. He is treated by doctors across the border in Michigan, and Julie says although it is very costly, it has been worth every penny as both doctors specialize in ROP and there is no one in Canada that can compare to their expertise. One of these doctors was able to give Carter the five per cent of vision in his right eye when he was nine months old by injecting his mom’s blood nutrients into his eye. 

 Carter has appointments every few months and his vision has slowly been improving and stabilizing. There are many advances and treatments such as stem cells and microchips that Carter’s parents hope he will be able to benefit from. His specialist is very hopeful that Carter will have vision in the future.   

  Carter goes to preschool three days a week and has a support facilitator that is able to help adjust his learning environment so that he receives the same curriculum as the other children in a way that he can understand it best. "He has grown leaps and bounds from interacting with kids his own age," says Julie. "Putting him in daycare was one of the hardest things we had to do, but one of the best we’ve done for Carter." He receives support through Pathways, CNIB and has an amazing group of teachers who have provided a great learning environment. 

  Julie's best resource is talking to other parents of visually impaired children. “You learn a lot from people in the same or similar situation to your own," she says. "We are learning something new along with Carter on a daily basis.”

 Rusty and Julie have wonderful family and friends who have helped them out in so many ways, big and small, and say they  wouldn't have gotten through anything without them. 

 “When we first learned about Carter’s vision loss we were understandably devastated, but as time moves on, we have realized that Carter is still our amazing little boy who can do whatever he wants in life,” says his mom. “He was given to us for a reason and has already taught us so many life lessons. We look forward to seeing what the future holds for our amazing little boy.”

Lately...

Inappropriate previous post perhaps, but let's be real.... We sometimes do inappropriate things. Dancing on my cousin's end table last night might be classified, to some, as one of those things.

•••

Lately...
I've been going through old Facebook photos and it makes me sentimental about my great friends and how much fun we have. There are so many genuine laughing smiles.
I'm in the process of revamping my pet sitting business.
I'm going January-stir-crazy and want to take every single thing out of our house and then bring it back in piece by piece because it doesn't feel right.
We love our home, but have realized that we're growing out of it. I'm desperate for open space.
I'm itching for change.
We talked about the future - Our dog insanity, our house, second baby, work.
We're trying to ween Ryker off of his bottle, which I realized last night is ridiculous and I'm pissed that I keep pushing to put a stop to things like this. The bottle stays.
I hate hangovers that steal the day.
It comes naturally to me to ask Ryker what it's like to be loved so much. Something my mom has always said to me.


Ryker, lately...
You do this wide-legged monster walk to be fun.
You bounce from foot to foot with impatience when we're pouring milk into your bottle.
You hid behind me today and it was a hoot when I was asking where you were.
You back into my lap to read or play all of the time and it's one of my favourite things.
You have so many teeth and can hear you chew. One of my biggest pet peeves, but it's so cute when you do it.
You cover your eyes and peek through your fingers. When you pull your hands away you say, "Buh" (Boo!)
You've broken three bowls helping feed the dogs.
You love to give them treats and they take them gently.
You don't sleep with a nightlight.
You love toast and peanut butter and your favourite snack is raisins.
Your favourite book is The Very Cranky Bear.
You love to play with the eggs in a basket with Totah and sleep in Omi's bed when you stay there.
You perch on anything you can back that tiny bum onto - The shelf in the kitchen or the inside the cupboard and onto the lazy susan.
You dropped a can of pineapple on your foot today.
You looked like a giant in my arms in the rocker tonight and I can't cradle you anymore.
You pet my hair.
You hold your hands to the sides of my face and pull my face down to yours.
You understand things like, Brush your hair, Brush your teeth, Wash your face, snack, book, head, toes, fingers, hat, shoes and socks.
You say, "Dog".
You're not talking much, so there's been a bit of whining going on.
You play mini sticks with daddy.
You kiss the computer screen when we talk to Grampa and GG on Skype.


And my favourite Ryker, lately....
You stop what you're doing and spontaneously come over and plant a big wet kiss on me. The other day I got nearly ten in a row. You wrap your arms right around my neck. You give good hugs. I think that's a genetic thing.
27.1.12

Confessions

"I am a hot morning mess when I drop the little guy off at daycare in the morning and sometimes I'm the same hot mess when I pick him up and wonder if the teachers think I leave him there to go home and channel surf. The benefits of working from home. I usually don't miss a Dr. Phil drama on these days.

Tonight I yelled at the dog, "Get out of there! God! No one fucking listens to me in this house!" in front of my 15-month-old."

This was my written comment on a mama's blog post, titled Confessions. Just before I hit 'Publish', a Proverb in the heading caught my eye and when I scrolled through some of the other comments I saw a lot that referred to "Him".

Whoa. Close. Not the place where readers would relate.
24.1.13

Orange

I read these mom blogs about things they do with their kids...

Like duct-taping moss, flowers and insects all over the tub to create a garden bath tub experience, hosting extravagant kiddy social hours and making homemade scented water colours.

Seriously? It took all of my sanity to get my kid's boots, coat and mitts on this morning.

You know how we roll? With three crayons and a pad of paper. That's right. And it's kind of a big deal, because the little turtle actually sat still for ten minutes... until he bit the tip off of the orange one. Game over.

23.1.13

Captured moments

20.1.13

How a Toddler Explores

Yes. Morning success. Check.

What a great time at the Ontario Early Years Centre this morning. Water play, tunnels, wooden spoons and cooking pots jam sessions, ball pit, snack, stories and songs... And mama shifting aside her fear of saying no and utilizing this thing called boundaries. I was able to keep Ryker away from a few things without a meltdown or angry swat to mama and able to keep him on his bum during most of circle time... Except for when he discovered he could do this...

Drinking from the water play station? Would this be considered a boundary?

Another great thing about taking advantage of these programs is that I'm not very good at stopping, sitting and playing with Ryker at home. But at a centre like this, you aren't surrounded by the million things you feel you need to get done. All you can do is focus on your wee one.... and play.

18.1.13

Boundaries

It is beyond time I start establishing some boundaries for the little man. 

It wasn't until 'Tales for Tots' at the library yesterday that I realized I need to close the door on my free-style parenting approach. Obviously, it's impossible to get a one-year-old to sit still for longer than one story and not be allowed to touch the stuffed dog that sits staring at him. He was off, playing with toys and then on the computer smashing the mouse into the keyboard and on the brink of a spoiled-brat breakdown when I tried to steer him away. 

I guess it takes the public display, two broken remotes, a laptop tracker damaged by drool and a broken dog dish resulting in a cut finger to realize it's time to say, "No" ... and mean it.

I have told his daddy to pick his battles and that he tells him, "No" too much, which to me I have just realized, is saying, "No" at all. Gold star hun, once again.

When everything is acceptable, it's going to be hard for me to find the line between what is and what isn't. Tomorrow 'Toddlers Explore' will be fun for him and a learning experience for me. 

Time to tighten the reigns on the take-flight theory. He's gonna fly alright. Like a pesky seagull consistently crossing its boundaries and then shitting on my head.

I must've known somewhere in my mind that there had to be more to this parenting thing than hugs, kisses and cuddles.

17.1.13

New rooms

I haven't made any new years resolutions, although it seems I may have made one to write less. Jeez.

I really wish I would sit everyday to write even something short about my day. My life isn't that boring that I wouldn't have one event or thought to put into words.

So, today, to beat down my OCD tendencies, my husband came home to me half way between switching our bedroom with Ryker's. He amazingly agreed to it, but said it would be a good weekend project. He should know me better than to know that when I get an idea, I want it done yesterday.

So I thought in a smooth swoop I would to the switch on my own with the help of the little man helping me push his crib out the door and then pretending to use the screwdriver as I have to take the thing apart when it won't fit.

I started to panic when I couldn't get it back together again. Shit. "Uh oh," I told Ryker, "Daddy's not gonna be impressed." I gave Bry, what I always imagine to be a cute, "I'm sorry" look, but it must not be as cute as I envision. A bit of cursing and fighting (You have to understand his frustration with me starting things I'm not physically strong enough to finish on my own and constantly rearranging our house down to the little things like the strainer switching drawers on a weekly basis) and kindly asking Ryker to get out of the way a million times and the rooms are put together. Ryker's room looks awesome. Ours fits only our bed and I nightstand on each side. Bry's not impressed by the lack of space. I say, we're living simple. Much more closet space means we get to kick our '80s dresser to the curb. Smaller space means less places for me to throw my clothes, equals less chaos. I like it.

This rearranging is going beyond moving pictures around my house. Just a couple of months ago I put the dining room into the play area in the living room and turned the wasted-space dining room into Ryker's playroom and my office and my office/den into a spare bedroom. Now, I just have to get Bryon to move the cabinet.... again, so I can get the book shelf into the new office/playroom. This should all pass some of the BLAH January days we're in the midst of.

My mom shakes her head when she comes over because something has always found a new home.

16.1.13

A bad mama day

Why when, surely, I love him the most, I'm the one he seems to push away. 

I'm feeling hurt today because the wee man keeps swatting at me. Sometimes he does it almost playfully, awaiting a reaction but other times he seems straight up mad. I'm almost scared to do something that might upset him, like take something away he shouldn't have, because he might get angry and hit me.

His hits don't physically hurt, but they seriously hurt my feelings.

When I picked him up at daycare today, he leaned in for a kiss and then "Psych!", he hit me instead.  We hung out for awhile so that he could hop on one of those riding toys before we left, and when I was ready to get home and took him off, he had a no-sound-coming-out cry and all I could think was, please don't hit me, please don't hit me. I'm sorry.

He literally hits only me.

I feel like he's slipping away, as though I'm kind of losing my hold on him as I come across situations that I don't know how to handle, like the hitting and like discipline; which I'm going to need to grow a thick skin to stand strong against that pouting quivering bottom lip.

This would be a bad mama day. Mommyhood will bring a million more of these in my lifetime as I face obstacles and my child "experiments" with the things that naturally, and maybe not so naturally, go along with growing up.

10.1.13

A few captured moments

9.1.13

Canned corn

The best toys aren't actually "toys" at all.

6.1.13

Hitting

Conveniently for the little guy, the day after Santa came he started to hit. And because I did what I just read I shouldn't have done and overreacted, he continues to do it, intently watching my face waiting to read my reaction and looking adorable when I tell him no hitting by smiling or putting his mouth in an the shape of an 'O' and shaking his head 'no'. Yes, it's apparent he knows the word and what it means. We know this, because it's this word that can sometimes trigger a mild meltdown too. The first time he hit me, I was shocked and told him 'no hitting' and then put him down on the floor. He stood there, looking so small on the big rug with his bottom lip out in one of those hard cries where no sound comes out. I had hurt his feelings and then it hurt my heart. That was the overreaction. Oh, discipline. I really have no idea what I'm doing, and how do you a punish a wee being with big eyes like those?

Strange that he did it after not being in daycare over the holidays because, we all do it mamas, we blame the kids they go to daycare with for teaching them all of the bad things. My instincts haven't stepped up in helping me know how to handle the situation so I Googled "One-year-old hitting" and sifted through advice until I found what it was I wanted to hear. You know you all stop on what you want to hear too!

 At this age hitting is the latest great experiment and a test to our reactions. Ryker does it to express frustration when he's tired and possibly to get a kick out of our reaction if he's bored. I read that one-year-olds have almost no impulse control and may not realize it can hurt then they hit because a sense of compassion isn't complete until age three. Nothing you can do will prevent your child from hitting, so it's important not to overreact. Oops.

 Here's a bit of common sense, not many people have: Parents who respond by yelling or hitting back may be encouraging the behaviour because their response suggests that aggression is an appropriate way to solve a conflict and get attention. It's wasted energy. A one-year-old won't make the connection between his actions and yours... For the same reason, time-outs are pointless until age two. Some more tips I scooped:

• Consistency is crucial.
• Stay calm.
• Voice your empathy. Tell him that it hurts and makes you sad when you get hit.
• Acknowledge your child's feelings and provide a brief lesson. "I know that you're tired, but we don't hit." (It's also unproductive to force your child to apologize. Instead, offer an apology that can be a model for your child)
• Provide a safe alternative. "Use your words" (Good for a child that knows words to use)
• Reinforce positive efforts "Good sharing!"

Learning not to hit takes time for any one-year-old to master.

Half posts

I have a half-written post about my marriage intended to have been up for our anniversary on December 31, one that needs a read-over about Ryker's latest experiment - Hitting and another that I'm avoiding because I can't unscramble my feelings about the 27-year-old woman who was murdered this week too close to home.

I'm so far behind on Blogging, and not for lack of motivation; which is a major issue this week following the holidays, but more for living the life I wish I had when I was on maternity leave. Being as relaxed as I wish I had been and not worrying about anything, housebound, watching TV amongst the scattered mess, reading and playing with my little man. I'm getting way to used to lounging around with my little 'fro' gone wild, bra-less and sporting my flannel pajama pants, not using my camera for anything work-related - just random shots of the only thing I'm finally capable of letting consume me.

Here he is.

Seeing daddy off to work after lunch.

Late morning snooze.

Buddies

Playing with the cords under my desk and the reaction I get to the word, "No".  Yes, still. But it's still cute, right?

Chillin'

Little reporter, helping mommy do research...
The cute way of saying tossing my papers all over the room.

4.1.13

Captured moments

Garage, Guitars

29.12.12

Christmas - Come and Gone

It was a nice, quiet, relaxing holiday season. So lazy and relaxing that I'm not sure where I'll dig up the motivation to get back to work. I took the decorations down today, but can't bear to lose the warmth of the lights on the Christmas tree yet.