Creating my bold, inspiring life

I'm incredibly grateful for the overwhelming FB support I received following my previous post titled, Prenatal Wellbeing. The messages, both public and private, were comforting and at the same saddening. I learned that moms I know are either experiencing or have experienced similar feelings and we all hid in the shadows when instead we could have connected, checked in and been there. We still can.

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Now, let's tip the scale toward something incredibly positive in my life. A team of Rockstar Women that has each other's backs in helping create wellness, time and the financial freedom to focus on the most important thing in our lives: Family!!

I kicked off my first entrepreneurial venture in 2007. Pet Love brought together both my love of animals and the business-ambitious lifestyle I wanted to lead.

After Ryker was born and before returning to work at the local newspaper, I was strangled by the thought of having to go back into the office and also about having to produce any form of the written word outside the lines of his baby book.

While the anticipation of that scene was building, I came across a 'momblog' on my FB newsfeed. I read post after post until the old adage hit me: 'Write what you know'. I turned to blogging and filled the blank, white pages with days of my newest venture: Motherhood.

I was fortunate enough to return to the newspaper on a freelance basis, working from home and taking my little sidekick reporter/junior pet sitter along for the ride on the days he wasn't in daycare. It was just the flexibility I wanted. A taste of the freedom lifestyle I continue to create.

Bored to death for the past two years, but hanging onto the graciousness of the flexibility my freelance gig offers, I've been surviving by my drive to work toward the continued growth of Pet Love. I wanted more freedom to enjoy other things I'm truly passionate about in my life. I didn't know that total freedom existed.

Until I became part of the MOMspired network that is building a global tribe of moms supporting moms to live a bold, inspiring life. It releases me from the things that drag me down and motivates me to recognize and attain my lifestyle goals. Partnered with the best quality nutritional supplements, I have the energy to work on a balance within myself that benefits my whole family.

A kind of confidence has grown in me to connect with people that comes with believing in something and wanting to spread that lifestyle opportunity with the people around you. It's the relationships I build through MOMspired and what we stand for that has influenced me to write again about the things that ignite a fire in me and motivates me every day to be my best possible self. Most importantly, its ripple effect offers me the financial freedom to slow down and to delve into more of the things that have meaning for me.

Now, not only am I providing pet parents peace of mind through Pet Love, but providing myself and fellow mommas health and financial peace of mind! It's a beautiful thing!!

         

Nov. 28, 2014

Prenatal wellbeing

I had a prenatal check up this morning. Twenty-three weeks along and grateful for the sound of his strong, healthy heart and for a healthy self.

I always look forward to these appointments. I love my healthcare provider and the ultimate comfort and support she provides. And, we have a lot of laughs.

At my last appointment, four weeks ago we were to go over my 19-week detailed ultrasound report and to find out the gender of the baby. She pulled up my records and told me they weren't able to determine the sex. It was too early at only 12 weeks along. 

Confusion caught me speechless. She then said that perhaps in the beginning when I thought I was pregnant I must not have been yet, and that this can happen.

A couple of things ran through my mind. Firstly, was the dissolve of the "half-way there!" happiness replaced with the doom of being pushed two months back. Secondly, was the worry that maybe our baby wasn't growing at a healthy rate and at 19 weeks was only as far along developed as 12-weeks. These thoughts only hung in my mind a very short while because, wait a minute... Everything added up right from the start and I had been in to the centre to confirm the pregnancy right away and even had a couple of prenatal appointments in between.

She wrapped her head around the words that came out of her mouth, we looked at each other and shook our heads to say, "That can't be right".

As soon as we figured out that she had brought up my 12-week ultrasound record instead of the most recent, I burst out laughing. Relieved that I have a good sense of humour, she joined in and we had a good laugh.

She got her hands on the latest report and we read through it to find that everything is just right and learned that Ryker would be welcoming a baby brother into the world.

We proceeded with the check up and as we listened to the baby's heartbeat, something else came through and she pulled away the doppler. We stared at each other shocked and almost frightened. We both heard it. A child's voice. The baby spoke! 

Then we both laughed so hard we cried. We concluded that it was obviously anything but. I concluded that Bryon and I have yet created another genius.

Our visits weren't always this kind of kicked-back fun.

Today's appointment was much less wild. How could it get more wild than the last? But, still a great one. She really looks me in the eyes and monitors my mood when I come in to make sure I'm OK. Our time together focuses a lot on my wellbeing, mentally.

When Bryon and I found out we were expecting, I went off of the anti-depressant/anxiety medication that I started on after Ryker was born. I was worried about the negative affects they could have on the baby and I was feeling good so didn't think it would hurt. (The infamous, "I was feeling really good so I stopped taking my medication" some of you reading this might have said or heard yourself). My healthcare provider didn't foresee a problem as I'm on a low dose and seem like I have "everything together".

I quickly spiralled into a dark tunnel. That darkness robbed me of the joy a newly expectant mother should feel. I fought on, wanting to sleep my life away and giving depression the excuse that this was the "typical" hormonal blahs and exhaustion of the first trimester.

The disconnect and irritability I felt toward my family, blowing off friends, the motions of numbly floating through daily tasks and blankly answering, "Yes, I'm just tired" when my husband would ask me if I was OK.

She saw it in me the moment she greeted me at my next appointment and we had to do something about it. We sat together and researched and discussed the affects the medication could have, if any, on my baby and I knew what I needed to do. I couldn't raise the son we already have in the state I was in and I couldn't take care of myself for the baby I was growing inside of me.

The reason I give this healthcare provider the utmost kudos is because once I learned on my own what has been attacking me most of my life, it's been brushed off by a couple of doctors as well as by someone on the other end of the Mental Health Hotline mid panic attack, all who recommended I go for a walk. I was too many years in that any fresh air and exercise could cure.

It wasn't until after Ryker was born and my first panic attack threw me into a horrifying meltdown that the way I had been feeling was taken seriously. I'm grateful to that doctor for being there for me, helping me to understand and recognize what was going on and showing me how to cope. And for my current healthcare provider who rids me of any shame with her resources and understanding.

With the tight grasp of hopelessness that depression has on people, and the blindness to its severity by so many healthcare providers and support systems dedicated to just that, it's incredibly frightening to think of so many others who need someone to listen and that someone is few and far between.

Never leave that office or hang up the phone without feeling some sense of hope. 
Fight to be heard. 
Your best you is in there. 
Fight for her.

Nov. 26, 2014

Meatless Monday

If there is one thing I really slack on, it's putting love into preparing decent meals for my family. So when a member of our MOMspired tribe posted a recipe for Black Bean Lasagna this morning I was inspired to get cooking and the fam was grateful!

Here's the link to the recipe. I substituted the green peppers for kale, the sour cream for Greek yogurt and one can of black beans for chick peas. Love the versatility of a lasagna and love even more that it's a freezer meal!

What's for dinner at your house?

Nov. 24, 2014

I Got a Secret

The weekend rain kiboshed our plans to celebrate our annual tradition at Sloan's Christmas Village and bring home our Christmas tree, but it was still a good weekend.

I spent some quality time with mom on Saturday, Christmas shopping and going for dinner and a movie and today Bryon and I took the Rykman to the arena to meet up with his buddy, Mason for his first flailing-legged skate of the season.

Tonight, Ryker and I built a cozy little fort for him to watch some TV in before bed. He was all tucked in and I was at my desk trying to de-clutter last week before a new week begins when I heard those little footsteps running my way. He said, "Mommy, I got a secret." When I leaned my ear in and asked him what it was, he whispered in my ear, "I love you."

These rare, out-of-the-blue displays of affection have come out of nowhere for as long as he's been mobile. Yesterday, Bry and Ryker were playing a card game and out of nowhere, Ryker climbed over the table without a word, kissed his daddy and climbed back to where he came from and continued playing never missing a beat.

Tonight, he went back cozy in his fort after he told me his secret and came back a couple of more times to do the same thing. On his final return, he told me again that he had a secret and in the same tone and at the same level of a whisper, he said "I wanna snack."

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Nov. 23, 2014

A beautiful gift, just not for Christmas

"11 month old pure bred male, Boston terrier. House trained and will sit and shake paw. Has shots, comes with large dog kennel. Paid $900, asking $600 obo. Will make awesome Christmas present."

I woke to this post on 'Mommy Market' lining my Facebook newsfeed this morning, and aside from all else wrong with this, Christmastime isn't the best time to welcome a new fur family member. 

What an "awesome Christmas present". The thought of an adorable puppy with a red bow tucked into his collar greeting the kids on Christmas morning makes for a heartwarming memory and the hours of puppy play and cuddles to follow that day has the whole family over the moon, but that excitement can quickly dwindle. Children get bored with "gifts".

The idea to give the gift of a pet is a common holiday impulse buy. The reality is that people don't think about these beautiful beings and the time, attention, responsiblities and expenses that come with pet ownership. It's only a matter of time before the family is in search of a "forever home" for that once adorable furball of a kitten that has now fully grown into what she thought was her forever home and family.

Instead of choosing to give a furbaby as a Christmas gift, why not opt for a book about selecting the right pet for your family, pet training or pet care, and in the new year, after all of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, sit down with the family to discuss if pet ownership is the right choice for your family.

If you're choosing to welcome a pet into your family, you're choosing a love and commitment to them their whole life through. And you've given your family a beautiful gift.

November 22, 2014

The moment I dubbed you my Angel

Come on buddy. Ok, let's go. Today, bud. Hurry up. Come on, we have to go.

That sounds so awful and it's not something I'm oblivious to doing on what seems to be an everyday basis. I cringe when these words come out my mouth mostly because I can't handle waiting a second for him to explore the snow before getting into the car or dropping his cereal bowl into the sink when's he finished, but also because I feel my cruel impatience rushing us along and through his childhood days. 

I don't know what the constant urgency in me is. As if my head is already so far out the door and onto the next move long before we've even wrapped up that exact moment.

One morning back in September I was feeling in some self-created, stressed-out rush to get going, as if I have to be to the office at a specific time or the boss will fire me. It must have been one of those mornings that every parent of a preschooler experiences, fighting over which shirt he will wear because he's upset his Batman shirt is in the wash and today he doesn't like buttons. My patience was tried and worn thin, but really what doesn't try it and win on an ongoing basis?

Ryker was whining for me to carry him out of the house and I told him, "You have two legs. Let's go.", and then nudged him ahead. He put his arms out again and, irritated, I threw him up into mine in a mad race to nowhere and amidst the static I caught his eyes holding mine too compassionately for such young eyes, and it was as if time had stopped. We just stood there in the front hall and he said to me wisely and sincerely, "'Tuz I love you."

That was the exact moment I dubbed him my Angel. Thanks for choosing me, bud.

November 21, 2014

Spaghetti Squash

That's the size of our baby in utero this week, and I only know this because I just checked my BabyCentre App in search of a good lead for this post. 

The difference between my first pregnancy and the second is night and day. Even for Bry who recently said he feels like our baby is being neglected... That we just continue on with the motions of our everyday and he doesn't feel weighed down by the anxiety he felt when we awaited our first.

My world revolved around my pregnancy when we were expecting Ryker. I was nose-deep inside The Pregnancy Bible and the infamous What to Expect When You're Expecting at least once a day, my every thought consumed by what our future would look like and fascinated by the weekly progress our wee one was making in there; such as the week he formed pads on his fingertips and toes or developed all of his senses so that I could start reading to him. I was so busy following all of the mother-to-be dos and don'ts like learning the proper sleeping position, lathering my belly in BioOil and avoiding feta cheese and spent my evenings relieving my restless legs by running on the spot while watching TV.

Today, I'm lucky to read the weekly 'My Pregnancy' paragraph that is sent to my phone. What I know is that I blew up the moment I saw the positive on the pee stick, my belly button popped a week later and I was in maternity pants at just a couple of months in. Six p.m. feels like midnight, but I hang in 'til 8 before going to bed and I pee when I sneeze or laugh or cough or fart...

I didn't know until I checked the BabyCentre App tonight that I was 22 weeks along. The weeks aren't marked on the calendar like they were with Ryker. This pregnancy is flying by as I continue on my path of exploring new ventures and enjoying family while every so often I'm tripped up and held in the moment by a baby flutter or tiny foot poke. 

It's not that we're not thrilled... It just occurred to me that maybe it's hard for both of us to grasp the thought of the ability to love another being as much as we love the one that absorbs all of our love now.

Nov. 20, 2014