Something bigger than I am

I'm uncomfortable with the word God. When I think of the word it's followed by ideas of make believe stories, organized religion, judgement and narrow-mindedness.

I've never used the word God until recently (and very occasionally) attending a church where I feel guided by the belief that God is Love. It is slowly since becoming a word more easily rolled off my tongue, sometimes even the name I address in prayer. But often it, that something I know is listening, doesn't have a name.

Having faith in something bigger than I am takes the weight of the world and worry off of my shoulders. A weight that can sometimes get so heavy that I can't bear it on my own.

Usually when I pray, I just simply say Thank You. It feels good to acknowledge the things I need to be grateful for and it also feels comforting to ask for peace and hope and to know I'm not alone in my thoughts that can sometimes create an incredible sense of loneliness. 

It's not always the unknown, this stranger of my Universe I thank and whose presence I've felt. It can be present in forms such as my Grandma who showed me she's with me in each Angel that fell from my Christmas tree last year or Ryker seeing a picture of the meadow where we spread Grump's ashes this year and then looking up at his Nana and saying, "He can see us."

It's everywhere, that something bigger than I am. I know it's there. I just don't know it's name.

Dec. 4, 2014

Don't worry about it Mommy

Ryker was chilling out with daddy on the kitchen counter last week when I was hollering in from my computer for him to go eat his supper. After the third time I nagged him, he said calmly in that sincere tone that holds me in time, "Don't worry about it mommy." 

I paused and literally felt a bit of a release in my shoulders. 

"Pardon buddy?" I asked. I had never heard him say that before, but the kid knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Don't worry about it if my soup gets cold."

There it is. He hit me with yet another important life lesson.

He was right. Like, seriously. Relax. It's soup... Or some other ridiculously minor little thing I'm going on about.

The most simple things said hold the biggest impact. 

•••

There are so many other perfect, little things that come out of his mouth. Words that we'll never correct. Ones that carry only big impact in their cuteness.

The longest running and the best, "Nook" (Milk)

O'Tay (OK)

No piggy (No biggy)

Blanklet (Blanket)

Pack Pack (Back Pack)

Turtle Ingines (Ninja Turtles)

Dec. 17, 2014

Holiday Krispie Treats

Last year I set up bake shop in the kitchen and worked my ass off baking and decorating cookies with a beautiful plan to package them up and deliver them to the neighbours. They were awful, I was so upset and needless to say the plan fell through.

I'm getting to a point in my life where I say to myself, "I love the idea of that. I wish I was that person." And then accept that I'm not. I love sweet treats, but I don't want to bake them. I want my home furnished with good quality, unique pieces but I'm not going to sand anything down and refurbish it. I also want a big, beautiful quilt and the idea of making one sounds glorious, but it's not happening.

So in celebration of this 'keepin'-it-simple and enjoying mama', Ryker and I made Holiday Krispie Treats. A quick, fun, no stress, sweet treat and we had a lot of fun! 

Next up are our sugar cookie cookie mix in a bag - "Homemade cookies in 20 minutes!"

Dec. 11, 2014

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...

I finished my Christmas shopping and wrapping today. Fa La La La La. 

For the first time in many a Christmas time, I am feeling the Christmas spirit. I love the ambience that Christmas brings into our home with the tinsel glistening on the Christmas tree, the lights entwined into the garland with red bows and pinecones, the Christmas music, holiday movies and Santa bedtime stories.

Last week, I explained the Santa side of Christmas to Ryker for the first time. The elves make the toys and pack them into Santa's sack who, with the help of his reindeer pulling his sleigh, delivers them to children around the world on Christmas Eve. He just stared off while the wheels turned inside his head as he tried to put it all together. The beauty of parenthood is reliving and rekindling the magic in these sorts of things.

I am especially excited to give. I feel like a giddy kid counting down the sleeps. I can't wait to come down the stairs with Ryker on Christmas morning and tell him that Santa was here. This is the first Christmas where he's old enough to have helped me decorate the tree, told Santa what he wanted for Christmas and it's our last Christmas as a family of three.

It's not about the presents, it's not about the shopping, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Shopping for Ryker has been so much fun! Mostly because I can't keep Bryon out of the toy aisles, scooping up reminiscents of our past that have become some of Ryker's favourite things like Hot Wheels and Ninja Turtles. I love how special he wants to make it for Ryker.

I am most excited and don't want to miss the first second Bry sees the big, silver bow on a gift he's been longing for and one he so much deserves.

Until then, we wait for the white stuff while we sit cozy in the glow of the strands of lights and gear up for a bit of baking, friendly festivities and building more beautiful family memories.

Dec. 9, 2014

Creating memories

Every year for the past three we have gone to Sloan's Christmas Village to find that perfect Christmas tree. This can be a bit of a nightmare for me being so indecisive, but we always find the perfect one! 

We created the tradition with Oma and Totah and Nana has joined in the fun the past couple of years. Once we all find "the one" and they're loaded up, we huddle around a fire in the woods and roast hot dogs and marshmallows and sip hot chocolate.

Creating memories. What are your family traditions??

Nov. 29, 2014