Spaghetti Squash

That's the size of our baby in utero this week, and I only know this because I just checked my BabyCentre App in search of a good lead for this post. 

The difference between my first pregnancy and the second is night and day. Even for Bry who recently said he feels like our baby is being neglected... That we just continue on with the motions of our everyday and he doesn't feel weighed down by the anxiety he felt when we awaited our first.

My world revolved around my pregnancy when we were expecting Ryker. I was nose-deep inside The Pregnancy Bible and the infamous What to Expect When You're Expecting at least once a day, my every thought consumed by what our future would look like and fascinated by the weekly progress our wee one was making in there; such as the week he formed pads on his fingertips and toes or developed all of his senses so that I could start reading to him. I was so busy following all of the mother-to-be dos and don'ts like learning the proper sleeping position, lathering my belly in BioOil and avoiding feta cheese and spent my evenings relieving my restless legs by running on the spot while watching TV.

Today, I'm lucky to read the weekly 'My Pregnancy' paragraph that is sent to my phone. What I know is that I blew up the moment I saw the positive on the pee stick, my belly button popped a week later and I was in maternity pants at just a couple of months in. Six p.m. feels like midnight, but I hang in 'til 8 before going to bed and I pee when I sneeze or laugh or cough or fart...

I didn't know until I checked the BabyCentre App tonight that I was 22 weeks along. The weeks aren't marked on the calendar like they were with Ryker. This pregnancy is flying by as I continue on my path of exploring new ventures and enjoying family while every so often I'm tripped up and held in the moment by a baby flutter or tiny foot poke. 

It's not that we're not thrilled... It just occurred to me that maybe it's hard for both of us to grasp the thought of the ability to love another being as much as we love the one that absorbs all of our love now.

Nov. 20, 2014