Today someone said to me, "Did you hear 'so-and-so' had their baby?" I said, "I thought so", excited for the new young parents and to get some details. And then she leaned in and said, "I hear it has Down syndrome."
My heart ached. Not only because of the initial shock and sadness they have experienced, but because my fear would be that if my child was born with Down syndrome, that the news of the precious soul coming into this world would be nothing but that exact scenario. Joy replaced with pity. My baby, a chromosomal condition.
I asked if they had a boy or a girl.
Years ago, the town gossip barged into the office I worked in and said, "So-and-so had the baby. It has Down syndrome", like it was some dirty secret she couldn't wait to spread and then feed off the reaction. I'll never forget that. People just don't think.
I've always said that if I had a child with Down syndrome that it would be the least of the worst I could wish for. When I was pregnant I thought maybe I've said that for years because it's fate's way of telling me it's in my cards, or maybe because it eased the worry of my baby being born with Down syndrome, like I was prepared for it. When we're pregnant, the 'what-ifs' are a constant drip.
I'm not going to pretend I know what it would be like, but I imagine it's nothing you can prepare yourself for, regardless of your mindset and outlook on life. I do know that they will come to terms with this unpredictable twist, have the strength to overcome the hurdles the future has in store and shower that beautiful being with unconditional love, as all great parents do, and that will be enough.
I've been longing to be pregnant as the 'baby' in my boy slips away. Wanting a newborn and thinking of how I would just hold that tiny nugget all day and all night. But, then I stop being ungrateful and enjoy the one little miracle we hold in our arms now - when he's still long enough to do so.
15.10.12
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