My Captured Heart

Legs tucked up and arms tucked in, cuddled into me with your head turned sideways and your cheek resting against my chest, inhaling and exhaling sleep breaths. When you come out of it and pop your eyes open and your head up looking me face-to-face, you capture another bit of my heart, when I thought you already had it whole. And you smile a sleepy grin and I give you an Eskimo kiss and you flip your head in the other direction and rest your other cheek on me, softly singing and talking yourself back to sleep. Only to repeat it over and over as if you wake to check that I'm still there. Always.

Today, I met my friend's third son, less than one week old. He's gorgeous. I told her it was a bad idea for me to be holding him because I might catch baby fever again, but I didn't feel the fever. 

Tonight when I was rocking with Ryker in his room, I thought of how we can fit another little person in this very room and I mapped out the layout of two little beds with just a nightstand between them. I imagined it for only a second until I knew, at that moment, that I'm not ready to spread my mama love just yet.

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One of my favourite things to do is peek in on you through the crack in your door when you haven't fallen asleep for nap time yet but are content with the quiet time. Somehow you get the feeling I'm there because you look up, but it's seldom we make eye contact and I blow my cover. 

Last week I was watching you and you were playing with two teddy bears. Talking away, cuddling one on each cheek and then covering your eyes with them and pulling them away as if you were playing peek with the baby doll below.

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• You blow kisses.

• I ask you where your head is and when you reach up and touch the top of your head, I tickle your armpits. The tickle threat is the cutest because you slowly start to put your arms up them then bring them back down again fast.

• We make a calm, but very quick exit from the tub when you poop, which pretty often cuts tub time short.

• You're getting up around 2am and I bring you to bed and you fall asleep right away with us. We've never had that and we love it... but let's not do it forever. Daddy pushed to the edge of the bed. You making noises and rarely still. None of us really getting a decent sleep. 

• 5 Green and Speckled Frogs.

6.1.13