Refresh

Stuck on a white page... again and looking for life's Refresh button.

After answering constant requests to be scooped in my lap and read books while trying to meet deadline followed by the guilt of ignoring him while his restlessness results in pushing my limits, I decided we'd go for a bike ride when I got my work submitted.

But when I couldn't find comfy pants and then realized I'd have to change Ryker out of his monkey-footed sleeper in order to get his feet into any of his shoes, I literally said out loud, You know what, *with a sigh to ease a wave-of-anxiety* fuck it. Have I mentioned I'm not looking forward to the day I have to stop saying fuck in his vicinity?

I redirected my energy to fighting the tidy-house battle that I'm convinced will forever defeat me. I spend a day doing laundry, only to find that tomorrow it's piled up again and when I've emptied the dishwasher, the sink is full of dirty dishes waiting to go in. All the books are off the shelves again, there are fingerprints on the couch and Goldfish in the carpet, crumbs on the counter, dog-chewed plastic fruit, the recycling tub under the sink is already full and I've recently de-cluttered and still feel like we have way too much shit.

Wah, Wah, Blah, Blah...

What he's doing now...

• His first word was Da Da and now he uses it in context, calling out for him

• He's adjusting to the toddler room at daycare

• His new rubber boots are feeding his shoe fetish

• All of his pants have to rolled up at the bottom

• He has big boy sneakers I found at Goodwill for $4

• He's going up and down the stairs like it ain't no thing

• He's always saying a cross between 'WHOA' and 'WOW', and dragging it out with a laugh that says, Man! Can't believe that just happened!

• Says Teetee (Kitty) Dowa (Door) Shsss (Shoes) Shuck (Truck)

• Loves singing into a microphone

• Is a great little helper, putting away the Tupperware from the dishwasher and putting the wash into the dryer. I'm convinced by June he'll be cutting the grass. Is that legal?

• Speaking in tones I recognize from my childhood home videos

• He does sign language for 'More' and 'Please' and would be happiest outdoors from sun up to sun down

• He loves to brush his teeth

• I trimmed his bangs, because I still can't go through with a full-blown hair cut

Yours,

Restless, contained, hoping the change I'm craving will be satisfied by a new season

Out.

8.4.13