New rooms

I haven't made any new years resolutions, although it seems I may have made one to write less. Jeez.

I really wish I would sit everyday to write even something short about my day. My life isn't that boring that I wouldn't have one event or thought to put into words.

So, today, to beat down my OCD tendencies, my husband came home to me half way between switching our bedroom with Ryker's. He amazingly agreed to it, but said it would be a good weekend project. He should know me better than to know that when I get an idea, I want it done yesterday.

So I thought in a smooth swoop I would to the switch on my own with the help of the little man helping me push his crib out the door and then pretending to use the screwdriver as I have to take the thing apart when it won't fit.

I started to panic when I couldn't get it back together again. Shit. "Uh oh," I told Ryker, "Daddy's not gonna be impressed." I gave Bry, what I always imagine to be a cute, "I'm sorry" look, but it must not be as cute as I envision. A bit of cursing and fighting (You have to understand his frustration with me starting things I'm not physically strong enough to finish on my own and constantly rearranging our house down to the little things like the strainer switching drawers on a weekly basis) and kindly asking Ryker to get out of the way a million times and the rooms are put together. Ryker's room looks awesome. Ours fits only our bed and I nightstand on each side. Bry's not impressed by the lack of space. I say, we're living simple. Much more closet space means we get to kick our '80s dresser to the curb. Smaller space means less places for me to throw my clothes, equals less chaos. I like it.

This rearranging is going beyond moving pictures around my house. Just a couple of months ago I put the dining room into the play area in the living room and turned the wasted-space dining room into Ryker's playroom and my office and my office/den into a spare bedroom. Now, I just have to get Bryon to move the cabinet.... again, so I can get the book shelf into the new office/playroom. This should all pass some of the BLAH January days we're in the midst of.

My mom shakes her head when she comes over because something has always found a new home.

16.1.13

A bad mama day

Why when, surely, I love him the most, I'm the one he seems to push away. 

I'm feeling hurt today because the wee man keeps swatting at me. Sometimes he does it almost playfully, awaiting a reaction but other times he seems straight up mad. I'm almost scared to do something that might upset him, like take something away he shouldn't have, because he might get angry and hit me.

His hits don't physically hurt, but they seriously hurt my feelings.

When I picked him up at daycare today, he leaned in for a kiss and then "Psych!", he hit me instead.  We hung out for awhile so that he could hop on one of those riding toys before we left, and when I was ready to get home and took him off, he had a no-sound-coming-out cry and all I could think was, please don't hit me, please don't hit me. I'm sorry.

He literally hits only me.

I feel like he's slipping away, as though I'm kind of losing my hold on him as I come across situations that I don't know how to handle, like the hitting and like discipline; which I'm going to need to grow a thick skin to stand strong against that pouting quivering bottom lip.

This would be a bad mama day. Mommyhood will bring a million more of these in my lifetime as I face obstacles and my child "experiments" with the things that naturally, and maybe not so naturally, go along with growing up.

10.1.13

A few captured moments

9.1.13